Gabby's Fate/Transcript (original airing)
This is a transcript to the original airing of [[Gabby's Fate|'Gabby's Fate']], a The New Looney Tunes Show spoof skit made by Robot Chicken. Transcript Foghorn Leghorn hits Barnyard Dawg with a paddle like usual and starts to being chased. *'Foghorn:' (to the camera) That dog, I say, I say, that dog never learns his lesson. *'The Killer:' Maybe he never learned, but you'll learn it when you die. The Killer murders Foghorn, decapitating his head with an axe. The Barnyard Dawg comes in. *'Barnyard Dawg:' (seeing the crime) What the fuck happened out here? The Killer also kills Dawg with a hammer and begins laughing maniacally. Scene cuts to Foghorn and Dawg's funeral and burial ceremony. *'Bugs:' (sad) Foghorn Leghorn and Barnyard Dawg maybe didn't get along, but without them, it won't be the same. (to the camera, changing his mood) And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bill Hader. *'Bill Hader:' (reading the Bible) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want... *'Lola:' (interrupting) This is very weird. I always thought that Foghorn would be killed by that chicken hawk, not by an unknown murderer. Miss Prissy jumps crying on Foghorn's casket as it gets lowered into the ground. *'Sylvester:' I know, right? Never on our world... *'Bill Hader:' (interrupting) Excuse me? *'Daffy:' Don’t you mean Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me? Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! The others facepalm. *'Bill Hader:' No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the beak outta your mouth?! *'Porky:' Wow, Bill's working b-b-b-blue, but he’s right. *'Bugs:' We vowed never to talk about...that night. Bugs gets out a photo of Gabby Goat and looked at it. Cut to Sylvester inside his dressing room. *'Sylvester:' Sufferin' succotash, this is unbelievable. Who could be the next one? *'The Killer:' Hey, Sylvester? Why did the cat turn red? *'Sylvester:' I don’t know, stranger. *'The Killer:' Because he was em-CAT-assed! *'Sylvester:' (sarcastically clapping) Bravo... *'The Killer:' Well, then how about this? Because I fucking stabbed him! The Killer stabs Sylvester in the neck and then in the back with a knife. Cut to Sylvester, who is out of his dressing room and into backstage. *'Sylvester:' Motherfucker... Ooohh! (falls on the floor) *'Tweety:' (seeing the crime) That puddy tat should stop twying to get into trouble. *'Sylvester:' Hey, bird, can you stop arguing and call me an ambulance? *'Tweety:' How about no? It's time to pay for your cwimes. Sylvester is dragged offscreen by the Killer and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage. *'Tweety:' (scared) Puddy tat? Puddy tat? (the Killer appears behind him) Uh-oh! (the Killer catches him) Wait! NOOOOOO! The Killer breaks Tweety's neck, killing him instantly. Cut to Bugs, Daffy and Lola with Sylvester and Tweety's bodies being taken to the hospital by two canines on a stretcher. * Bugs: First Foghorn Leghorn and Barnyard Dawg, and now Sylvester and Tweety. (in cold fear) Could we be paying the price for what we did to...? * Lola: Don't say that name, Bugs. * Daffy: (realizing) Ohh, Lola Bunny's telling Bugs what to do! Hey, everybody, come here! You've gotta see this! Lola's telling Bugs what to do! Wow, this must be a day that ends in Y! * Bugs and Lola: (unison) Shut up, Daffy. Daffy is unamused when Bugs and Lola told him calmly to shut up. Porky walks by carrying a boxful of props. * Bugs: Hey, uh, Porky? * Porky: Oh, h-h-h-hey, Bugs! * Bugs: We need to talk about the killer. * Porky: W-why, sure. I knew somebody who was a bit destructive. If not for that shocking incident... * Bugs: You know, I'm gonna stop you right there. We have a flashback for it. We swipe to a flashback at Leon Schlesinger Productions in Los Angeles around 1939, where Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs), Daffy Duck (in his original screwball personality at the time), Porky Pig, Gabby Goat, Egghead and Petunia Pig are at a swimming pool outside. * Porky: I'll be right b-b-b-back, gang. I gotta go get our floaties from the c-c-c-closet. (leaves the scene) * Gabby: What a square! (turns away from Petunia and tries to walk off, but is stopped by Daffy, Egghead and Happy Rabbit) * Daffy: Whoa! Hold on, Buster! Where'd you think you're going? * Gabby: (nervous) Well, I was just.... Uhhhhhhh.... * Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs): (pushes Gabby back into the party) Come on! Get back in! The celebration's about to start! * Gabby: You know what? Suck my balls. Everybody gasps, especially Petunia (who is offended by Gabby). * Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs): (keeps Petunia apart from Gabby) Gabby, if you only take my advice in your natural life, take it now! Walk away. Gabby simply smacks Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs), pushing him down. * Daffy: (calls out) Mr. Schlesinger, Gabby's hitting us again! * Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs): (rubbing his face) Yeah, who's the homo now? Gabby violently beats up Daffy, punching him down to the ground. * Petunia: Oh, dear! He's attacking Daffy! (turns to Egghead) Egghead, do something! * Egghead: What should I do? * Petunia: Call the police! And hurry! Cut to Gabby being taken away by the officers. * Police Officer #1: Come on, Goat! You hit a defenseless duck, so you're goin' downtown with us! The two officers put Gabby in the paddy wagon and closed it shut with a jail cell. Gabby pops up holding on to the bars. * Gabby Goat: In 80 years, I'll come back to kill you! Gabby is being driven away, yelling into the distance. Flashback ends. *'Porky:' (shocked) You've sent G-G-G-Gabby under arrest?! *'Bugs:' Uh, well, Daffy was being beaten up by 60%, but... we're kind of burying the lead here. (frightened) We think Gabby’s escaped prison for revenge! *'The Killer:' (off-screen) Oh, Gabby will have his revenge. *'Bugs, Daffy and Porky:' (unison, turns around) Huh? Pan to The Killer, who takes off his hooded robe, revealing himself to be the true identity of the hooded killer: Gabby Goat himself. At this truth, Bugs, Daffy and Porky scream in fear. * Gabby: (takes out the knife to thrust at Bugs) Fifteen seconds 'till your death! Thinking quickly, Lola Bunny does her famous karate yell and jumps to kick Gabby, but misses and crashes into the curtains with a yelp before falling on the floor. *'Gabby:' (raises the knife as Lola stands back up, with Bugs, Daffy and Porky walking next to her) Here it comes! Showtime! Before he can, Tina is holding a large net gun and is aiming it at Gabby. *'Tina Russo:' Hey! Get away from them, you son of a bitch! *'Gabby:' You can’t catch me! Ducks don’t even have fingers! Denying this, Tina fires a net, capturing Gabby as he groans and collapses on the floor. Bugs, Daffy and Porky grab the captured Gabby in a net up on top over their heads. *'Bugs:' You did it, Tina! You captured Gabby for us! Now, what shall we do with him? *'Porky:' I say we call the police! Cut to a black background with text saying "After court..." Screen cuts to Gabby in an electric chair in the execution room. * Executioner: Do you have any last words? * Gabby: If you only had the balls. * Executioner: Well, we are going to electrocute you. * Gabby: (laughing) LIGHT UP MY LIFE!! The Executioner pulls the switch for the electric chair. Gabby keeps laughing, and gets electrocuted to death. Thunder strikes on the screen as we cut to black. Segment ends.